every experience is a lesson
I recently faced the abuse of my childhood as an adult and I was able to give this experience a new perspective. I'm still processing it all but it is incredible how this moment snapped me out of a vicious cycle of self loathing. I can now look back at a few of the pinnacle moments in my life and see how I was repeatedly trying to gain some kind of closure... but I was always demanding it from the many people in my life except the one who actually hurt me.
Currently, I find myself in a situation where a very passive aggressive person is stuck in my life for the next thirty days or so and they are clearly drowning in their own cycle, lashing out, and repeating dangerous patterns they obviously learned from an abusive family relationship. I had to create strict boundaries. I had to clearly and forcefully tell this person "no." And I swear to gawd this will be the last airbnb I ever rent.
I made my way to New Zealand. Mainly because I have never been and I quietly wondered if I would be interested in moving here. Well, now I know the answer to that question is no. Or at least, not right now. I sense that I have other things I'd prefer to be doing elsewhere. I've begun a life of perpetual travel and after decades of preparation, I am now somewhat retired. Or at least I'm at a point where I can make my own decisions about how I wish to live. And a lifetime of frugality makes this transition somewhat easy. I believe I am now, as they call it, dirtbag rich.
I've wanted to get to this moment for so many years and now that I am here, I am... afraid? yes, that's right. I've planned my travels up til September and I am very intentionally stopping at that for a while. My big problem is presence. Or a lack thereof. It is time for me to learn to sit in the moment and experience what is truly in front of me. Right now, that simple task feels absolutely impossible. I just do not know how. This will be my lesson of 2026.