the road to recovery is littered with terrible ideas
A month of quiet reflection makes a world of difference. Amidst the silence, I had a series of revelations that clarified my life's direction. Plus a series of extremely vivid and batshit crazy dreams. I also realized that - while I enjoyed the little rustic cabin behind the yoga center - I very much prefer having my own bathroom attached to my bedroom. The novelty of stomping through mud in flippy floppies during a wind-fueled rain storm wears off pretty quick. Although, I would probably be perfectly fine with my own sanitary version of a pee jug in the corner. I am sure that's a thing that exists and is easy to operate... somehow.
Anyways, New Zealand is in my rear view. Nothing wrong with the place. More to do with me going through incredible emotions which are pushing me to make significant changes in a short period of time. Plus, I've noticed that when I physically move myself (and my meager belongings) to a new place, it literally and metaphorically marks a new chapter in my mind. It is helpful for me to not stay in the same location in order to facilitate my growth. It seems weird and kind of the opposite of the usual advice (...you can't solve your problems with travel ...wherever you go, there you are), but in the past, I was established in a single location with assets and responsibilities AND A DOG and I got stuck in a mental prison and couldn't advance no matter how hard i tried.
(The dog died of old age a few years ago, in case anyone reading this is wondering.)
And if this fuel crisis doesn't toss a wrench in my plans, I will be slowly making my way out of the Global North and - as I eventually cross the equator to the northern hemisphere - into the Global South, where I hope to stay for a while. The details and the main purpose of this journey are still to be determined and likely to change fairly rapidly. Right now, I have a loose plan in place until September. That feels like the total amount of rigidity I can handle at this time. Looking back at where my head was at in January, I see someone very different in April. So I'm just gonna roll with it and find out where I land.
I've been reading stories from others who embarked on a perpetual travel lifestyle and they all tend agree that the first year is extremely messy. And I now agree with them. But I do sense that something grand is in store for me soon. If keep moving in this new direction, that whatever I was truly meant to do with my life will eventually reveal itself. And it is bigger than just a career change or some kind of "eat pray love" experience. I can't shake the feeling that every single accomplishment and setback in my life is one little building block slowly combining and forming something new that has never existed for me. All the good and all the bad is slowly coalescing into a new path that I have no choice but to take.